As the perfect place on earth Italy.Was where it all started.A rose driffted all over the place.The country of love.Angel lass ran after his mystery lover .She wore a jewled mask and had a long white sleveless dress her hair out long as her elbow and black.Her eyes were so hard not to fall in love with.She had black balarena shoes but not standing like one.
She ran up the steps and drop some thing and as Angel fallowed
she was gone.but the item she left was a rose left on the 7th step.As he ran up two more steps and found the mask of the one he loves and he planed to find her.Then the thunder struck as rain filled the streets.
Angel had to find her but where?He just knew she was the one.
He walked to his grandmothers old bakery he smelled the fresh bread for he was starved and had not ate for three days he was soked and prested his head against the bakery window and every thing went black.
Angel awoke to see two young women looking him close to the face
one said quickly"he must of fainted are you alright?"she was beautiful in every way she steped back and said to the women who surley looked like her sister"Mia get him some food he looks pale and some water".
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,546 Literary Works • 672,605 Reviews
This doesnt have the look or feel of a poem - it seems more suited to prose. Perhaps this is best in the "other fiction" forum?
Read through this as well in order to pick out mistakes. You may want to try and read it aloud.
First of all, this is a poem? Its more of a story. Second of all what's with your punctuation? The period marks are just thrown around and you're missing some spacing, well everywhere.
Also check your spelling, do it now. lasscettos isn't even a word, there is a chance you could have used it as a name, but nonetheless remove it. Also some of the words may be spelled correctly, but I don't think thats what you mean (first stanza line three, thirteenth word) or at least I hope not.
It hurt me to read this, I think it is not worth trying to save, scrap it. Also use the yws spell checker, its there for a reason.